I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
