It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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