trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
