Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
ttyl tear gas
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
