I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
