I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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