ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
