Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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