wrigley field is MILF paradise
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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