If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she woke up with a sticky ear
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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