I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
