I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I enjoy the company of your penis
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