Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize