I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
