You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My bed smells like the plague
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
