So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
