I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My liver just had a heart attack.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
