my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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