and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
