Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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