I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
