I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
