u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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