Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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