New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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