He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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