I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
