the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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