Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
