strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
