My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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