Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
