Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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