If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
please don't ironically join a cult
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