i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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