He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
