don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
