I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
