If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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