It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
