Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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