just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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