Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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