This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
