I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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