I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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