your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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