you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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