he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
