awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
