I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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