i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
