I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize