yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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