You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
