Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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