There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
