i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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