yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
