You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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