duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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