so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
