So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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