Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
