If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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