the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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