2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
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...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
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The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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