I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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