By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
