This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
