was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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