My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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