just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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