remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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