No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
