and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
